Wednesday 28 January 2009

Fast Food, be it at McDonalds or at 300mph

Now, as a result of this post, I understand I may get at least 1 comment that faults my opinion which I have to say right now, it is the truth. This means, get over it, live with it and accept it. I speak the truth. If you believe in God, you are reading his blog post right now.

The thoughts taken directly from a good friend of mine on potentialdif.blogspot.com seem to differ from my opinion, making it clear to the audience that airline food can not at any time be described as tasty.

'Plane food', according to Chris, is to be "of a quality so poor that even a starved, malnourished African child would think twice before eating it."

Firstly, plane's are what carpenters use for sanding wood. Aeroplanes or aircraft can be used as the correct term, take your pick as I honestly don't mind. As long as you don't say 'plane'. Also, I do not fly a plane, I fly an aircraft or pilot an aircraft.

Anyway, I noticed while reading Chris' blog that he seems to think that they pump salt onto each meal by the lorry load. Unfortunately it is another flaw in his argument. Due to a long and pathetic list of Health and Safety bullshit, they cannot put salt into a meal.

If I may discuss that last point in a bit more detail. A few people can't eat salt or have salt in their food due to intolerances. It is a bit like milk, but that is as scientific as I wish to go, unless you want to challenge me with questions about how aircraft fly.

Even though it would be utterly hilarious, it would be a serious problem if someone began to fit and foam at the mouth like a slug at 32,000feet half way across the Atlantic Ocean. But to repeat what I said at the beginning of the paragraph, it would be utterly hilarious. I would possibly die laughing.

Only a few other things could excite me more than the chance to eat a tasteful selection of food at 32,000feet or so and at around 300 miles per hour. It is far more exciting than pulling up at McDonalds in a drive-thru and speaking to a spotty cabbage brain because you want a slightly off-tasting burger.

"Do you want fries with that?"
"Well yes, otherwise I wouldn't have asked for a McChicken Sandwich meal you dumb shit. And before you ask, I want banana milkshake for a drink."
"Errrr, what drink would you like with your meal?"

Now, I would like to explain that by the time he said 'meal', I had already launched through the small drive-thru window and killed the guy with his own burger bun.

I personally enjoy airline food. The variety is not all that great but they do taste bliss. For example, on an outbound flight from Birmingham Airport in the morning, I would be delighted with the look, smell and taste of a hearty breakfast. Small sausages, potato cubes, beans and egg with the option of tea or coffee, with some spreadable cheese to put in a small bun with some butter.

My tastebuds are watering already, just as I am planning on hitting the deck to go to bed.

To conclude, airline food is nice and unbeatable. It is now tradition to me to have a meal on every commercial flight I am on, otherwise I kick off and end up feeling like I want to "open some fucking windows" as Samuel L. Jackson said on Snakes on a Plane.

Good night.

4 comments:

  1. Actually carpenters use a 'planer', whereas a 'plane' is a two dimensional surface.

    Or slang for an aeroplane. ¬.¬

    Why then does aircraft food taste like they have poured an entire shaker on it? Perhaps it is some other chemical.

    I have never understood how you could like aircraft food. It is not food in any measurable sense of the word. The bread buns are usually harder than a Physics exam paper. The meat is merely put next to the oven and then pronounced cooked. The plastic knives and forks (which is understandable) break off on the vegetables.

    Which is always broccoli.

    Just about the only thing that they get right is the chocolate sponge pudding.

    ReplyDelete
  2. :D hehe. In all honesty I was just trying to make a point. Yes they do indeed call the carpentry tool a plane. Usually it is called a 'hand plane', or as I said, a 'planer'. It also refers to the 2D flat surface.

    But the most common use of the word 'plane' is for the aircraft.

    Just is.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lmao fair enough there mate. Some good points there but I have to spit all over them.

    I like aircraft food because it tastes like heaven. Also, I have never had a plastic knife or fork break on me during the phase of eating an airline meal.

    I savour the moment and relish the taste for as long as possible afterwards! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I would probably die laughing as well.

    :-)

    ReplyDelete

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